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Hello everyone,

I hadn't realized it at the time, but November of last year was actually my five-year anniversary on DA, when my old forum-pal :iconbellacielo: convinced me to keep on drawing here after I had unceremoniously left the old OS-tan Forum.  Roughly 2-3 years earlier, I had arrived at that place as a means to practice digital drawing, a craft that was so new to me then (and aided in large part by that wonderful vector drawing program Inkscape, which was also brand-new to me at the time). It seemed like only yesterday when I drew the lovely Amiga-tan, my first OS-tan, first vector drawing (with some Photoshop editing mixed in, since I still used that dastardly program at the time), and first illustration of any kind that approximated the vision in my mind...

Amiga-tan Debut Picture by C-quel

And from then on, as my gallery stands testament, I did not stop drawing or creating or working hard to build an artistic persona I could be proud of, and, admittedly, would gain me success, fame, admiration, and, at times, perhaps even financial gain.  But for all my accomplishments -- for all the people I've taught, lives I've changed, projects I've donated to, and so on -- it is remarkable how very little pride I've felt from any of it.  Hence why it's been so easy to jettison projects, dash expectations, burn bridges, abandon character concepts, and at times break hearts -- because I've never really loved art as most artists do, I've always seen it as a chore since inception up to this very day, and, as such, a failed project just becomes more deadweight.  Someone once complained that I'm almost always partially miserable because I always treat artwork, or my commitments surrounding artwork, like a job, and even use the same terminology for it sometimes (e.g., "retirement") -- and in all honesty that person was right, I've always treated this as a job, something to endure for a greater purpose down the road, and NOT for fun.  Fun came with it, but it was never the goal... I can't honestly remember the last time I actually drew for fun.

I get people IRL who wonder why I don't pursue a career in art, but if they only knew how fragile and tenuous that talent was, they'd know I shouldn't quit my day job.

What I really like is helping people -- being the first person to take a dive into something, a person to lead by example, a person who helps turn the tide of fortunes, a hero.  And in hindsight, almost all major project I've done have been done in the aid of some cause....

  • OS-tans in 2006 were unsurprisingly Windows-centric and non-Japanese artwork at the time was uncompetitive in quality, so my goal first coming in was to turn that around
  • My work on Ubunchu started as a specific grievance against the original LtR version, and later as a means to positively demonstrate that Western artists are also capable of professional work and artistry, even for a free translation work.
  • My work in eeePcLinuxOS was obviously to save Linux netbooks from an onslaught of cheap Windows PCs set to destroy the market, and of course to help our small team be the best it could be.
  • Likewise my short stint in the KDE Artwork and Games division was done for pretty much the same reason, to help make this project amazing.
  • For Heny, I wanted to prove to her that her talents were amazing and well-appreciated, and as far as CameliaGirls went, to prove that dreams could become reality with the right tool and mindset
  • Ponies had an abundance of high-quality artwork, but at the time an underabundance of inexpensive craft items, hence my efforts to fill that void with my pinatas and other interesting papercrafts.
  • And once the threat of copyright policing loomed over, Sun Dried Cherries was born to offer something truly free, fun and safe to distribute.
  • And for those precious few who knew my old Minecraft server, I don't even want to talk about it... but yes, it too began as a means to help some of our old friends of ours, and once it became crystal-clear that Cquel-kun made a terrible admin, that idea died a very slow and quiet death.

In neither case do I remember my job ever being done -- usually my participation either lead to an abysmal or fiery failure, or my services were simply no longer required, at which point the inspiration would slowly die off a slow painful death.  My coming to DA was in fact a life support measure, one that endured for a good solid five years.

But I'm the first to spot the warning signs, like an oxygen tank quickly running out of gas, and no amount of tapping, banging and clanging on it will make it create more air.  I know when I'm getting bored or frustrated, and risk tossing everything aside again and starting from scratch, in the hopes that this time it won't be an abject failure.  I could tell myself I will chillax and draw for fun from now on as I've told myself several times before.  But I'm not kidding anyone any more, least of all myself -- I've accumulated too much baggage, too many things I'm not proud of doing, to suddenly turn around and say I will finally have fun.  In my mind I don't deserve it and am incapable of enjoying it because I take it too seriously, but taking things seriously has been the hallmark of what I do, and how I've managed to produce the work that I've done -- I simply can't have one without the other. 

This goes a little past artist's block... I don't lack ideas at all (if anything, I still have an abundance of them),... this is truly a loss of will to go on.  I'm tired of beating a dead horse and I'm tired of trying to make something out of my pig persona.  But not being one to surrender either, I rather treat this as a tactical retreat... close down operations here, and find something new to do, IRL, that can genuinely be considered fun, free of any of my so-called baggage, and perhaps rekindle in me some sorely needed pride in myself.

==================

The TL;DR of it is... the day has come, C-quel is finally out for the count.
Regardless of what I said or promised to do before, I think I will announce an indefinite hiatus starting today.  I may be around to tie up some loose ends and possibly help some people (as I always do), since of course I am still grateful for all the amazing support I've been given over the years (without it, I would have given up back in 2006). 

But, bottom line, this pig is tired, and needs a long overdue rest....

Add a Comment:
 
:iconthefurryballfoxy:
TheFurryBallFoxy Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Farewell forever...your art shall go on.
Reply
:iconane-h:
Ane-H Featured By Owner May 2, 2014
I hope life has been kind to you as of late! :)
Reply
:iconc-quel:
C-quel Featured By Owner May 13, 2014  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Hello.  Yep, its been grand.  Hope you've been doing great as well. :)
Reply
:iconane-h:
Ane-H Featured By Owner May 14, 2014
Not much has changed on my end except for it being summer break.  I probably won't be any more active than I previously was though.
Reply
:icongeneraldurandal:
GeneralDurandal Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2014
I know the feels friend.
(hugs)
Reply
:iconc-quel:
C-quel Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2014  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
*hug*  ^^
Reply
:iconinurantchan:
Inurantchan Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014
I'm not sad at all to hear this. I'm so very happy for you.

Because your story, is almost exactly like mine.

I hate drawing! I really do. I have never loved it, I have never liked it, and the only reason I continue to do it is because I love to make people happy. I have that same innate complex that makes me wish I was a hero, and makes me try to be one. So I continue drawing, because people are happy when I draw their OCs. They're happy to see the fanart I draw. Even just happy to talk to me when I really don't want to talk and can not explain my problem of not being able to follow through on requests/things I owe them that stems from my depression. I can't even talk to too many people in a day because it stresses me out too much (if I got a job at customer service, I would probably die from the stress it's so bad). And it stresses me out to answer people when they ask how their things are going. I am too honest and stressed to tell them their stuff is just sitting around unfinished or I just couldn't force myself onto the computer to work on it...so I bury myself in other requests. It's such a vicious cycle...

All this is the reason I will never call myself an artist. I'm not. This was just something I started to both past the time, and feel close to an old friend who moved away, I don't even talk to anymore. I wish I could do what I love for a career, but I've spent years and years looking for a talent I could use in the real world and I have none. Not even drawing. It's a skill I taught myself that I hate and it's the only one I have I can turn into a job...so I'm gonna become an animator, in the dying field of 2D animation (which means I won't even be making movies, the only thing I wanted and was happy about), and probably hate my life every day like I already do. ^^; It's really all I have. It's all people think I have: asking me why I'm not pursuing it as much as I should be. Telling me to be an artist, that I should be a professional artist.

So I'm very happy for you. Getting out like this. Focusing on happier things. That's the best move. I wish you so much luck finding some fun hobbies. :) 

I wish playing video games were a career. That's about the only thing that makes me happy still (when I'm not bogged down by the nagging "I should be working on______" thoughts...). God help me when people suggest I should create them...hell no.

So, see ya when I see ya man. :) It's been great, I've enjoyed our talks and your artwork. ^^ :hug: Feel better, my friend. :)

p.s.

This got a little too personal heh...but I just wanted to share you're not alone in this kind of thing.
Reply
:iconc-quel:
C-quel Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2014  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Hey there, Inuri-chan ^^

Thank you for your understanding AND for sharing your own personal thoughts.  Indeed, we are remarkably similar... granted, I don't necessarily hate drawing per se, but I'm simply not as passionate about it as people want me to be.  To me it's a tool, like a hammer or a notepad.  Same with programming... my old boss nearly chewed me out when I admitted I wasn't really passionate about coding.  And other things seem downright impossible for me to pursue... music in particular terrifies me, because it's one of the few creative pursuits that I cannot for the life of me envision in my head.  As much as I love music, it's disturbing to me that I can't conceive of my own no matter how much I've tried.  

Similar to your case, though, I kinda got stuck using [really bad] coding as my profession and bread winning tool.  Again, I don't "hate" it per se, I simply recognize I'm not very good at it as other people mainly because I lack that passion.  If I have been able to survive for so many years with only a borderline understanding of this trade, it's mainly because of my people skills, which are a lot stronger.  A person looking for tech support is more bound to listen and trust a very friendly person with some skills, rather than a computer genius with the personal tact of a mule -- and if said person signs the checks and decides to offshore jobs to India, then I ironically end up being all the stornger for it.  

So yes, I think we should celebrate our so-called "predicaments" because they're not really as dire as they seem... in fact, it's kind of a testament to our resilience.  The unfailing drive of the human spirit to adapt and make the most of a bad situation.  :)

Oh, and there are careers playing video games (as testers), though I hear that profession is a bit saturated, hehe. ^^

Anyway, thank you for that, and here's a counter-hug!  :hug: 
Reply
:icongtratomixsearch:
GTRAtomixsearch Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
It's been forever since I stopped by here, but that's unfortunate to hear. I enjoyed a lot of your early works at OSC and am really grateful you've let me use some of your art on my cars. I hope we'll cross paths somewhere again.

Until then, however, I wish you the best of luck in your future pursuits.
Reply
:iconc-quel:
C-quel Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Oh hello, yes, I do vaguely remember the car thing.  It was definitely different, and I feel glad you saw fit to use the images.  :)

And thank you, likewise.  ^^
Reply
:iconcayfie:
cayfie Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014  Student General Artist
;-; c-quel..?
Reply
:iconc-quel:
C-quel Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2014  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
*hug* Don't worry.  :)
Reply
:iconkarredroses:
KarRedRoses Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014  Professional Artist
Enjoy your retirement! *hugs*
Reply
:iconc-quel:
C-quel Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2014  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
*hug back*  Thank you, Kar!  ^^
Reply
:icongeonine:
GeoNine Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I wouldn't flat out call it quits.  Now if you need to take a break and/or find that inspiration again then just take some down time to relax and seem if there's something else out there for you.  

But just going and saying you're done altogether just because you have the feeling of not wanting to do anything.  Maybe just play some games and relax, take your mind off of things, have yourself a movie marathon with friends, whatever helps you out of a slump.  Might just be what you need before you start waving the white flag.
Reply
:iconc-quel:
C-quel Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Hey there GeoNine,

Well in fairness, I actually have found something to do IRL that I'm truly enjoyed, but it's not art-related.  So until such time that it can see the need to draw, I'm basically closing down C-quel the artist.  

But C-quel the SomethingElser is no slouch, I can tell you that!  :)
Although I can't divulge what I'm doing, I can assure you I have a knack for it, and I don't treat it as a chore... it is fun and I love it and I'd like to do more with it.  ^^
Reply
:icongeonine:
GeoNine Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Well that's good to hear.  Hope we can find out what you're working on/doing now that you've got a new passion.  Maybe we'll find a way to send support in another fashion/site depending on where this takes you, but wish you luck regardless with your new SomethingElsing!
Reply
:iconc-quel:
C-quel Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Thank you, and likewise it was a pleasure knowing you IRL.  :)
Reply
:iconane-h:
Ane-H Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2014
I know that feeling.  I don't thing I've done any "art" since November.  Not for a lack of ideas, but for a lack of motivation.  Enjoy your vacation for it was well earned.  :)

Aww.  You weren't a terrible admin.  Aside from my incompetence at playing Minecraft (along with the "claypocalypse" bug), nothing really  went wrong. ^^;
Reply
:iconc-quel:
C-quel Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
hahaha, the Claypocalypse!  XDDD

Well the admin problem was actually from long before you came on, with that giant hotel thing.  It's a long dramatic story that I wont get into (not important), but you arrived during the final heydays of that server, where I was trying to figure out if it had a future or not.  In the meantime, it would just be used to try out snapshots.  ^^
Reply
:iconane-h:
Ane-H Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014
Ah.  It took a little getting used to.  Spawning of the roof of the inn was terrifying (though not because of the NPCs up there). ^^

Speaking of snapshots.  I'll have to test the latest one sooner or later.  They added granite! :D
Reply
:iconc-quel:
C-quel Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
aye, and I whole bunch of other cool rocks too.  It adds a surprising depth to natural and cave scenery, I'm surprised what a little coloured rock can do.  :)
Reply
:iconane-h:
Ane-H Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2014
The instant we get granite slabs.... granite counter tops! :D
Now all we need is oak furniture.
Reply
:iconc-quel:
C-quel Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2014  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
yay!!!! :D

*mojang, get!*
Reply
:iconane-h:
Ane-H Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2014
Maybe I will just have to install the furniture mods. ^^
Reply
:iconrequiem18th:
requiem18th Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2014
First let me give you a hug.

Ok, C-quel, try to make sure you aren't experiencing a physiological illness. Find out if you are suffering from depression, not just a "down feeling" but clinical depression. Get a doctor please. Ii  can't do anything from here.

I know by now that you have a strong need for closure, but this is not needed. You never have to draw the line. You make too many commitments already  to also commit to stop committing to something.

Just relax and remember that early January is still depression season.
Reply
:iconc-quel:
C-quel Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Thank you requiem.  XD
*hug you back*

Well admittedly, I have been feeling a little depressed from time to time -- one could say I have everything in life, from money, to a stable house, to a united family, and an overall comfortable life, but even so I feel it in me like something is missing, and it makes me sad.  It's nothing all that serious that requires doctors or (gawd forbid) medications.  Perhaps its just an early "midlife" crisis?

I still have faith I will find out what I'm looking for, but I just need a clean slate to start with.  I'm too OCD to think straight with loose ends, commitments notwithstanding.
Reply
:iconrequiem18th:
requiem18th Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014
I feel like you are asking too much of life. Live sucks, nothing is ever perfect. Nobody knows what they should do. But it can also be great fun. Remember that anything that is good at all, anything that is good for its own sake is good for as long as it lasts, and that's ok. Things don't have to last forever to be worthwhile.
Reply
:iconc-quel:
C-quel Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Aye, that's true... and frankly if it could last forever, chances are it wouldn't be good anyway... it would just get dull and boring and routine.  Kind of like certain TV shows that just don't know when to quit.  ^^


Reply
:iconrequiem18th:
requiem18th Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014
I don't know what show are you talking about but I dare not ask.
Reply
:icondoctormo:
doctormo Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
I've recently been helping a little with the OLPC project here in Boston. The project is going through a lot right now and the community have put years of their lives into it. What I said to them is just as true for you: what you've done is amazing and has had a lasting effect of people. Just because things come to an end, doesn't mean they didn't do anything or you should feel bad. Our work on Ubunchu was great and while we didn't manage to translate all the issues or maintain good relationships, we did get some impressive work done and lots of people read them. Thanks to your for your help.

Us wannabe heroes should stick together c-quel, we'll never get rid of that itch to help those around us. I know you're not that far away from me IRL, it'd be real special to meet up at some point in your future travels. You have my contact details.
Reply
:iconc-quel:
C-quel Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Thank you Doc.  :)

I actually moved to Chicago, so we're a bit far again, but I wouldn't be discouraged by the idea anymore.  And yes, wannabe heroes is a great term for it, and its no surprise most of us have somehow flocked into the world of FOSS one way or another (it's so representative of who we are). 

It's true... although I was not fond at all when they wasted all those years pursuing the Windows model laptop, I will admit they got the conversation on ultra-mobile computing going.  It's thanks to them that netbooks were born, and commercial-grade Linux hardware got some stable market footing for a while.  

Having gotten a bit nostalgic while unpacking some things, and going through some of our translated comics, I will agree... we did many incredible things with it, more than I'm sure we ever expected to do.  

Thank YOU for being patient with a hot-blooded person like this pig.  ;)
Reply
:icondoctormo:
doctormo Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
Patience, my friend I have a two year old daughter that goes from screaming joy to screaming fit of stubbornness and then to endless curious questioning of everything. A more extreme patience training regime I know not. But good to have a project that's both unquitable... and offline ;-)

For some reason everyone's moved over to Chicago or Seattle. :-/
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:icondarrtaa:
Darrtaa Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I remember when Veggie55 posted his hiatus journal, I (and a lot of other people) were really sad to see to him go...but at the same time happy that he was moving on to bigger and better things.

And that's how I feel now; I'm sad to her that you'll be leaving (even if I didn't comment, I did see everything you posted), but at the same time I'm glad to hear that you're taking an apparently much-needed break so you can move onto bigger and better things.

But I'll certainly miss you, you were after all the reason I actually have any dA points from your contest long ago. And I agree with :iconbellacielo: you should really keep your amazing gallery open.

I wish you all the best in the future, and if you decide to return to dA then we'll all be waiting here for ya. c:
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:iconc-quel:
C-quel Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Thank you Darrtaa, and yes I'm happy I got to see you around and al.  :)

I won't be closing my DA account, so rest-assured there.  I also should be here semi-regularly, since I still have many artist friends who might want my advice from time to time.  I still like being the pseudo-teacher, after all.  ^^
Reply
:icondarrtaa:
Darrtaa Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm glad to hear that you'll still be around, it's always sad when people up and abandon all the friends that they've made over the course of being here. Good to know that the pseudo-teacher has a good head on his shoulders.
Reply
:iconc-quel:
C-quel Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
hehe, well let's not get too hasty, I'm still a rather sucky friend and I have up and abandoned people before, just not here.  XD
I guess probably I've gotten older, and if I can't put on a good head on my shoulder, at least I'm willing to consider it ^^
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:icondarrtaa:
Darrtaa Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Considering is always good ^w^
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:iconbellacielo:
BellaCielo Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
This is very sad to hear – both that you're retiring, and that it's really been such a burden for you all this time. I honestly never knew things were so bad for you - the amount of dedication and, at least from my perspective, love you put into your work seemed to indicate you were passionate about it, and that it was less a chore and more a calling (if that makes sense). At any rate, I look back fondly on the time we spent together both here and OSC; I honestly wouldn't be where i am now (both artistically and academically/career-wise – after years of naval-gazing about what to do with my life I've decided to get into programming) without you! I hope you can find your passion - your true calling - and make something beautiful of it. 

A side note, please tell me you'll be leaving this page up as an archive of sorts? There are so many beautiful works here and it would be a shame for them to be lost to the sands of time. :C
Reply
:iconc-quel:
C-quel Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Thank you Bella for your understanding, of course I knew you would get it so quickly since you've known me probably the longest here. ^^

There were many early warning signs of artwork as a chore, even back when I was at OSC...

- I wouldn't take well to critiques, since I saw it more as a "gift horse in the mouth" thing rather than genuine feedback to improve.
- I would use references regularly, since I couldn't draw from memory very well, nor did I make the effort to learn how (hence my old arguments with Captain).
- I was obsessed with speed and efficiency over quality, since I wanted to get things over with quickly... In fact there was only one image I've ever done in my life where I actually took my sweet time with... c-quel.deviantart.com/art/SSan… ...and its not even technically finished.
- I was not at all discouraged to share my knowledge, and in fact I gave a lot of it (and assets) away for free -- I wonder if a true artist, like a true magician, would be as keen to divulge his/her secrets.

So maybe what I did had merits as a human being, but as an artist... I totally sucked at it.  But if you ask me, I rather be a good human being than a good artist, since the latter are already a dime a dozen. ^^;

If what you tell me is true, it seems like I did have some positive impact in your life, and for that I am very thankful.  Perhaps I won't be the hero I strove to be, but I'll certainly settle for the role of a teacher and mentor and friend.  ^^

And yes, despite the melodramatic journal entry, I won't be closing this account at all, and will be around in DA to visit friends, comment on works, and chillax.  My first goal as a non-artist is to take all the leftover high-quality paper from my pony era craftwork, and start printing out physical copies of all my artwork.  I'm tired of all my creations being digital... I want to feel them and hang them up as posters.  I'm all into tangibles now... must be cause i'm old.  :3
Reply
:iconbellacielo:
BellaCielo Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist

It's unfortunate in hindsight, but I never took any of those traits of yours as warning signs … I just figured it was a part of who you were, so they never raised red flags. I hope you don't mind me going through these item-by-item, since you make interesting points.

Starting with the critique bit — at least when we were at OSC, you were the best and most consistent artist around, so I'd have been very hard pressed to find flaws in your artwork, let alone have the technical or anatomical know-how to properly point them out. Unfortunately, I was somewhat on the same wavelength with you until fairly recently; if there was a glaring flaw in my artwork and somebody pointed it out, I would make a weak attempt to fix it (as long as it wasn't too hard or time-consuming). It hasn't really been until this year that i've made full-hearted attempts at understanding critiques, pushing myself out of my comfort zones and making improvement. 

As for referencing, with all due respect I believe you have things backward; there's consensus among artists that using references is a sign of good artistry & attention to detail rather than the opposite. I've always had a tendency to prefer using memory / imagination over references, which I believe badly stunted the technical growth in my pictures. (For instance, compare the clouds in this painting modeled on a photographic reference, vs. the clouds in this one, produced from my imagination). That said, I understand that it would be disappointing to not be able to work from memory if that was a goal you set for yourself, or if you felt like referencing became a crutch you couldn't work without. 

With regards to speed vs. detail, wanting to just get a picture done with may very well be a sign that you shouldn't be working on that picture … although getting fed up with a piece and just wanting it to be over seems to be a common feeling even among very passionate artists. I suppose the rate of frequency with which it occurs is more indicative than anything else. 

And the last point – giving away your "secrets" – I have to disagree on this point. I've always held contempt for artists who guard their secrets or refuse to offer advice when asked (not talking about people who say "I don't know how to explain it", "I'm too busy", etc., I'm talking outright "I cannot tell you because this is *~~*super secret technique!*~~*"), for a variety of reasons for starters, it's incredibly insecure to believe that discussing your ("your" in a general sense, not you specifically) techniques will incite others to copy your works, or to believe that other people using a similar technique will cheapen your art or make it "less unique". Maybe it's my inner open-source / copyleft advocate speaking, but it strikes me as somewhat anti-social, anti-progress and anti-learning.

"Good artist" means absolutely nothing if you aren't also a good human being; you certainly made the right choice. Very few of us will ever be heroes in the traditional sense — but being a friend, teacher and mentor is an admirable accomplishment, something each and every one of us should aspire to. You certainly succeeded in this respect! C:

Good luck with your art-printing! I absolutely love being able to hold my artworks, frame them and hang them up (in fact, I've several framed prints around my room), so I'm with you there! (Granted, it's a little tough to do with darker and lower-contrast color schemes, sigh.)

I'm glad to hear you'll be sticking around for a little while longer, even if you aren't as active as you used to be. :)

Reply
:iconc-quel:
C-quel Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Hello again Bella.
Oh, a cool analysis, just like old times.  ^^

- It could be said that that is indeed who I am.  Or was anyway... I have noticed I've become gradually less obsessed and perfectionist, and more laid-back as I get older and accomplish some life goals IRL.  


- You may recall when I first got on that I had frequent "battles" with the established artists (you probably knew some), and although we inadvertently turned it into a kind of Windows vs. Everyone Else rivalry to go with the theme of the forum, fundamentally it was really all about the art.  That led to the inevitable clash of worlds that gave me as much equal distate as it did enjoyment, for the reasons I mentioned last time.  Perhaps if I were myself back then, I would have developed a far thicker skin, and probably wouldn't have scared off Fedora.  


- I am glad you have taken on the effort of learning natural drawing, and value improvement for the sake of improvement.  Since I met you I knew you had a natural inclination and a very unique style, on top of the kind of quirky charisma that was so woefully needed in those days.  It's really no surprise you have been active for so long.  :)


- Regarding references, why does that remind me so much of that famous line: "good artists copy, great artists steal"?  XD
Perhaps it was those aforementioned "battles" that got me used to the notion that I was fighting on the side of cheap and impersonal artwork, although I never truly saw it that way.  Well perhaps I did deem the art itself to be cheap, but as you remember that was sort of immaterial to me -- in reality, it was the underlying story and detail that mattered to me the most.  A drawing that's just drawn is just a drawing, but a drawing telling a story is memorable.  

Speaking of which, that is a very appropriate example.  :)
The photorealistic example is very photo-accurate to a degree and useful for some applications, but the imagination one is clear, whimsy and intriguing, with fun and at times impossible details (such as the position of the sun and moon, and the lighting reflections on the water).  That one lets me see the world the way you see it, or to be more cliche, offers a window into your soul, so it's actaully my favourite one.  :3


- And yes, the idea of the crutch was disheartening, especially while drawing Sun Dried Cherries and realizing that even after al these years, I can't even draw simple ponies consistently by memory, and I had to continuously rely on reusing old vectors.  I had hopped to get back to my roots with the newer Camelia Project, but the hand sketches rendered were even worse, and it became pretty clear that I was not going to be able to pursue that project the way I wanted.  It's important not to give up so easily, and I think I put up a good fight all these years -- but once the passion isn't there any more, it's sometimes worth calling it quits while you're ahead.  -.-


- The speed vs detail thing may also have been attributed, again, to the early OSC days.  I not only had my rivalries on the forum, but remember I also set as  goal to help rival our Japanese counterparts too (as well as the 4chan idiots, or whatever that old image board was called).  So in retrospect I started this all on the wrong needlessly-competitive mindset, which created animosities that didn't need to exist.  


- And lol, thank you regarding the giving away of secrets. ^^
Your opinion is perfectly understandable, since I think you remember I thought the same thing too (which again, was another reason behind that bitter rivalry thing I keep mentioning).  One could say my teaching prowess was as a resolt of the rivalry thing, as I did want as many forum-goers as possible to create artworks and start filling the web with [high-quality] OS-tan images of our own make -- in that respect I failed, since really only you and Katt-chan (and a few others) were inspired by me works at the time.  But in this respect, though, I will disagree with myself, only because I did put in a lot more effort than I had to if that was truly my goal.  

While I won't teach a school of kids, I do like teaching in general, and I do that so often IRL that it's become kind of my thing (to the point I get called "The Professor" at work).  Ultimately, I think, it was that aspect of me that really left its mark, and ensures that in some way or another, my time in OSC or here in DA will be remembered.

Had I been a selfish bastard, my works would be rightfully forgotten, no matter how good they were.  ;)


- And thank you Bella for the last part.  ^^
I hate to make this sound like a 'good bye', it reminds me of my melodramatic departure from OSC.  It's nowhere near as bad as before -- I think you've proved that I can lay down my drawing brush with my head held high and my soul filled with accomplishment.  Although I never really succeeded in the projects themselves, I can be proud in "how" I went about those projects, and how I can probably could do so again wtih my future pursuits.  

If anything else, I'm glad I still have people such as yourself who can forgive my prior indiscretions and stay to support me even after all these years, and making me proud with remarkable accomplishments of their own.  So thank you Bella for being such a wonderful human being yourself.  ^__^
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:iconmortalshinobi:
mortalshinobi Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2014
aww... i'm sorry to hear that.  i've really enjoyed your works and had fun with them though i do understand the whole art becoming a chore.  the difficulty is finding the balance of having set goals/chores in mind for it while combining it with fun.  sometimes they match up other times they are fully work like.  though if this is truly your end on da then i wish you the best of luck and thank you for at least giving us this info rather then simply disappearing. :hug: it's been fun
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:iconc-quel:
C-quel Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Thank you!  Hug 

To clarify, I won't leave DA, I probably will stick around here for a while, maybe as a consultant to help people with their works, or hopefully I'll have it in me to post pictures of whatever hobby I may start working on in my "civilian" life.  We'll see, but at the moment I feel like I need to clear the mind a bit. ^^

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:iconmortalshinobi:
mortalshinobi Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014
you're welcome.  i wish you well and i do hope you can find your motivation and do more arts.  i always did enjoy your comics. :)
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:iconc-quel:
C-quel Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Eh, well if I wont be making more, I may just post up all the scripts i had ready for the undrawn stuff.  I'll think about it,... just in case I do end up surprising myself.  ^^;
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:iconmortalshinobi:
mortalshinobi Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014
might be cool. and you're not the only one.  i have around 30-40 unwritten scripts for my "claymoreverse" funnies that i haven't worked on. mainly cuz i have so much i want to work on at once.
but glad you're not leaving us yet. :)  you're a fun and nice person to talk to.
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:iconc-quel:
C-quel Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Why thank you, same here.  :)

And oh snap, you're right, I forgot I was supposed to organize all those notes.  In fact my computer is a whole mess of files tossed in... given its  along weekend, its about time I do some digital spring-cleaning. ^^;;;
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:iconmortalshinobi:
mortalshinobi Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014
haha. well good luck my friend.  i do hope you stick around. :)
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